Tuesday, 13 January 2015
Waiting For My New Normal
The trouble is, I don't feel at all "normal". I have a great red scar stretching halfway across my misshapen, bony chest. I only have about 10 eyelashes and 20 eyebrow hairs left over my bare, weary-looking eyes. My head is covered with a short new layer of wispy pale grey fuzz, through which you can still see my scalp. There is a gadget, enabling easy access for ongoing intravenous drug needles, which is clearly visible under the skin near my neck. My muscles ache, my fingertips are tender and I am fairly tired most of the time.
Despite all of that, I feel good. Honestly, I do! I know that it takes to time to recover from chemotherapy; I'm strong and I'll tolerate, adapt and recover. I feel overwhelmingly lucky that my cancer was diagnosed so early, and treated so promptly with medicine that millions of people in the world don't even have access to. I have a family, healthy children, friends, a job to go back to, a car, food in the kitchen, a laptop to write on and a warm home to live in. My blessings are so plentiful that I'm almost embarrassed to list them (what a terribly British worry - not wanting to sound like you're boasting).
But do I feel "back to normal"? No. But until my "new normal" settles in and takes shape, I will just have to be patient.